The Intervention of Rex – Pitch

The Intervention of Rex satirizes how ill-prepared some men can be for the child-birth process. As his wife endures a trying birth, Rex opines windily on his distaste for the television show “Intervention,” portraying how even in life’s most miraculous moment he is suited only towards wry commentary. Eventually the doctors and nurses find themselves hypnotized by his banter and begin to engage with it, to the wife’s increasing horror. I wrote the first draft before becoming a father, and was able to revisit it after watching my own child being born, so I was able to incorporate a higher level of detail and pathos to what remains a mordant satire of the eternal man-child.

Sample Dialog: 

Doctor

We’re going to want to start thinking about a blood transfusion.

Woman

Screaming

Rex

And you know how they say at the start, “These people know they are in a documentary about addiction but they do not know they will soon face an Intervention.” I mean come on, there were 19 seasons, probably one of the sound guys has like an A & E hoodie on, or else one of the PAs worked on Little People, Big World and he’s wearing a Matt Roloff-branded golf shirt or something.

Nurse

Ya, I bet those people definitely know they will soon face an Intervention.

A bag of blood is brought in by a blood transfusionsist.

Rex

And you know how the show is always shaming like the old grandma or the mother or the sister for being an enabler, for letting the addict live in their home and borrow $140 every morning. Well isn’t the show itself the greatest enabler of them all because…

Woman

Ep-iiiiiiii-dur-aaaaaaal…

Rex

What about how the producers seem to give them rides to buy drugs all the time?

Doctor

Actually yeah, I had always wondered like who is driving this guy around?

Rex

Ok so I am Googling Intervention here, and one of the top suggestions is ‘Intervention deaths.’ Over the 14 seasons of the show more than 30 addicts profiled have since died. I am not an addiction specialist; doctor, are you an addiction specialist?

Doctor

I am an OB-GYN.

Rex

Oh yeah, so no one here is an addiction specialist, but I bet we can all agree that 30 deaths over 19 seasons skews high. Like these are supposedly the best interveners in the world, and sure maybe they’re trying to crack the tough nuts but shouldn’t it be more like two or three deaths?

Wife

No. No. No. No. No.

Rex

Okay, just to be fair and balanced, this Daily Beast article claims they have a 71% success rate, but frankly it seems like kind of a puff piece and it’s more just a profile of the head intervention guy Jeff VanVonderen.

Nurse

Oh my god, I hate Jeff VanVonderen.

Rex

Yeah, what a name. Perfect name for a perfect asshole.

 

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